Stuck, Stuck Stuck.

Stuck, stuck stuck. What an appropriate title for all aspects of my life these days. Artistically I have been feeling completely uninspired. I had a 3 hour gestational diabetes test today, requiring multiple blood draws. And I feel stuck in my messy house with no hope in sight for things to get better soon.

Since I completed the painting "Hogan the Bricklayer" I have not felt any inspiration to get back into painting. I want to very much but I don't have that "Lets get 'er done" feeling to drive production. When I do spend time in my studio I end up piddling around with scrap booking or just hanging out with no particular achievements. I am not sure exactly why I am in this slump or entirely how to get out of it. I am very much looking forward to having a regular painting class to attend again in June. The routine of pulling out my paints weekly with the time dedicated to painting and the expectations of others looking on expecting progress should help me get going. Hopefully I will be able to have the energy and still remain comfortable as my expanding Belly continues to grow.

I will probably be relying heavily on my neighbors kind babysitting in order to allow me to get to painting class. My husbands work schedule has expanded to ridiculous proportions. He works tons of overtime, has his days off canceled, and weekly is away on trips, all with hardly any warning. It is very difficult for me to not be able to plan anything involving him. When It seems like we might have a small window of time together they either call at the last minute with something he has to do or he is so exhausted from all of the work that he sleeps all day to recuperate. Sleeping all day is probably the hardest on me, because I keep waiting around hoping that the kids will get to spend some time with him, and becoming increasingly frustrated that he is in the house but unavailable.

I have been feeling major nesting urges but lack the time, energy or manpower to follow through. Keeping dishes done, kids fed and the house slightly picked up takes every ounce of energy I have. With no weekend breaks where I am freed up to devote more energy to projects, nothing else is getting accomplished. The messes are driving me nuts and I just want to tackle them but I never have opportunities to get to those piles of winter hats and gloves in the hallway  or the regular picking up of books in the kids room. I just would love to have my whole house clean, every little area of mess is grinding in to my nerves but I cannot get to it.

I cannot get comfortable at night. I have been sleeping in the Guest bedroom because I toss and turn so much my husband cannot get a good nights sleep and his snoring drives me insane as I lie wide awake beside him. I have found that I cannot fall asleep on our regular mattress even when he is away on a trip, but the guest bedroom mattress makes my hips ache. I guess It is better to be slightly rested and achy the next day than completely exhausted.  I guess it is not working tonight as I am writing this blog at 3:30 in the morning in an effort to get my racing thoughts out of my head.

Today's doctors appointment was very frustrating. I gained 9 lbs since last month and that is way too much. With the weight loss from the first trimester I am only up 7 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight but rapid weight gain like that is not good. I was hoping to keep my weight gain about 15-20 lbs but at this rate, and three months to go that would not happen. With my first Pregnancy I gained 40+ lbs and it was very hard to get off. With my second pregnancy I had Gestational Diabetes and the strict diet helped me keep my weight gain on the low side.

Since I had Gestational Diabetes before, I decided to skip the 1 hour glucose test and take the 3 hour test. It is hard enough to find one day when I can leave the kids at home. Since my husband was available, although dead tired from working 36 hours without sleep, I was able to take advantage of the opportunity to stay longer and get the test over with. Apparently I was dehydrated because the nurse kept on missing my veins. I ended up getting STUCK 6 times for 4 blood draws. It was not more because after the first two extra punctures I was guzzling water like crazy. My arms are achy and bruised.

I have mixed feelings about getting the results. On the one hand I don't want to have gestational diabetes and I don't want to have to prick my finger 4 times a day to monitor it. BUT the regimented eating plan was very good for me last time and I need the motivation of a diagnosis to make me stick to it. I have very little self control when it comes to sticking to a healthy eating schedule unless forced. Perhaps If I do not have GD I should look on it as a spiritual exercise, and try to make this an opportunity to practice self control.  It is so hard when I just crave sugary carbs!

 The only thing I have gotten done in the last few weeks was creating this home management center.

I hope that I get a chance to tackle both some art work and some nesting projects soon, but frankly do not know when it is going to happen. Will keep you posted if I have any results.

And just one cheery picture to send you away. Not all is gloom and complaints, I have two wonderful children who surprise me everyday with sweetness and love and they have two great friends to share adventures with. Playgroup is a source of love and support that keeps me going when I feel down. Thank you Girls.

Hogan the Bricklayer

"Hogan the Bricklayer" 16"x 20" oil on Panel is complete and framed ready for an upcoming show at the Lake Ann Reston Community Center. Now I need to finilize my price and hope that someone makes a purchase.

Sidewalk Paint

Today the kids enjoyed painting on the sidewalk with some sidewalk paint. It was easy to make, and kept them busy for about an hour.

1 cup corn starch.

1 cup water

food coloring

My son experimented with jump painting, and they ended up with a lovely mostly grey painting on our sidewalk.

Studio tour

The last several days have produced only minor painting work but I spent time in my studio organizing and straightening up. I am not sure any real organization took place but it certainly has more clear space and looks neater. These photos still make the studio look crowded and busy but the amount of floor space I cleared out makes it alot easier to move around. I also got alot of my inspiration and artwork hung on the walls to help keep me going.

Pregnancy has been wearing me out and I have needed some time off to rest and to get the kids together with their friends.
My husband has been traveling and working a lot of overtime so I am having a hard time getting into any sort of a routine. Both housework and artwork schedules keep getting blown off course by unexpected overtime and trips. I would love to get into a rhythm that can withstand the shifts in schedule and still keep me on track with all the things I need to get done.

Do you have any suggestions for me on getting into a routine?

The eyes of an artist

I am always amazed at the things we notice and pay attention to. When I worked as an architect and designed signs for one project I suddenly started noticing signs, everywhere. How many times a day do we read signs but never really look at them. Suddenly I couldn't not look at signs, I would notice what they were made of, the lettering used, how they were located on the site, how large they were.

When I designed lighting I began to notice all lights and would make comments out of the blue to my husband about the lights at the restaurant we were eating at.

Now that I am painting I see colors everywhere. I analyze them and think about how I would put them on canvas with my brush. It is really a wonderful way to see the world. It just is reminding me how we really do see the world with different eyes. Even from stage to stage in ones life we can see so differently.
This makes me think more about the way my children see. How am I forming their vision now when their mind is growing and developing so rapidly. If we teach our children to see and think about colors now will they have different vision in the future.
If we teach them to see Gods hand move in the world now how much better will they be able to see him in the future.
Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Mardi-Gras Gleenings begun

I started a new painting today based on a photo of my daughter at Mardi Gras in Mobile Al.
My mother-in-law wants me to do a painting from the photo but it will be a difficult photo to work from.
It has a direct and harsh because the photo was taken after dark. The smile while great for a photo will be difficult to paint. and parts of her arm are covered up in the photo by Daddy who is holding her.
I will also need to buy a moon pie because the one photographed is the wrong color and turned the wrong way for the painting.

I worked for about an hour or two and got some color blocked in but have a long way to go still on this one.

Hogan ongoing

Amazingly I was able to find some time to paint today while the kids were up and active. They played happily in the playroom which has been a welcome recent development. They also worked on a little coloring of their own on the easel in my studio. My son liked the painting of Hogan but wondered why I did not have the banjo in this painting.