It always leads to doubts and fears about my painting and parenting roles. Will I still be able to make time to paint if I get a full time job. Have I been wasting my time trying to pursue a portrait career? Will I work long hours and miss out on important things with my children? Any major change raises so many questions. When I get to this point it seems like I suddenly forget what I am doing when I try to paint. I cannot decide what to work on and when I do paint it does not come as naturally as it seems to at other times. I get frustrated and start to question every thing.
The Question then is how do you get the feeling of inspiration back? The answer seems to be just show up and work on something. Even if it does not turn out to be my best painting ever or even if it is something I immediately wipe out and never let anyone see I have to do something, anything until it comes back.
I am currently delving into my Bargue drawings since I know exactly what needs to be done even if I do not have the process perfected yet. It is developing the skills I need and challenging me without bringing the frustration of not having an idea or a project to work on.
I am currently drawing in my Kitchen with dinner on the stove and surrounded by dishes that need washed and clothes piled in the laundry room that need folded. The kids have been pretending with Legos for hours on the dining room table. However the need to get back the feeling of knowing what I am doing is so strong that right now I just need to show up at my easel and wait for the inspiration to find me there.